oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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