I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
