i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
