You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
