I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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