Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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