so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I party with great urgency now.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
