I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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