My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize