bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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