I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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