'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
