Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
