here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
