he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
