I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I supernannyed him into submission
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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