omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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