bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
