dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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