Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
