I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
