Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
