i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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