You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
How's work?
Spinning.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
