You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
