Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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