You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
