I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
