I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
