have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
