worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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