Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
