hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
