Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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