Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
