All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
His hands were made for my vagina.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Boobs are out for the taking
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
