the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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