so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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