every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
