I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize