I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
try to milk me bitch
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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