Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Randomize
