We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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