The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
