Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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