i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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