theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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