I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
