Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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