Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
