Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize