So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I can't turn off my feet"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
this is an emotional support booty call
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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