What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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