Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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