I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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