I murdered the dance floor call the cops
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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