I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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