I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
