Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
