Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
