I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
