Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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