While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
