I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
