My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
