she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
