So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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