2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
