the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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