we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
