seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
