Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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