so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
